


Rank 9.5 / Partner

by Ruto



Series: our place [1]
Category: Persona 4
Genre: Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 03:31:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9216683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruto/pseuds/Ruto
Summary: Yosuke has something he really needs to tell Souji.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A long time ago, I wrote a fic called [fading stars.](http://boggly-woods.livejournal.com/8843.html) for badbadbathhouse. This is my attempt at drastically rewriting it.

Perhaps it's a touch too sappy a sentiment for Yosuke's usual tastes, but ever since Souji had hugged him that day on the riverbank, Yosuke had begun to consider it 'their' place.

Thus, he decides there's nowhere better for him to initiate the conversation that he's been itching to have for god knows how long now.

He'll feel a little more comfortable at the river then he will anywhere else. The sound of the running water will be enough to soothe his nerves, or at least that's what he tells himself. And, well, it's _their place,_ isn't it?

He wonders if Souji sees it that way too.

'Their' place or not, Yosuke doesn't expect Souji to bump his head against his shoulder and rest it there as they're sitting side by side on the grass. Yosuke goes stiff, and a noise of confusion escapes his throat before he can stifle it.

"Sorry," Souji murmurs, lifting his head. "Too close?"

"N-no, that's okay," Yosuke stammers, unbidden heat rising in his face. "You can. Uh. You know. Keep doing it."

"Are you sure?" Souji asks.

"Yeah, I... I'm sure."

Souji might have hesitated had it not been for the note of certainty that edges into Yosuke's tone. Without further question, Souji nuzzles his head against Yosuke once more.

(Nuzzled? Is it nuzzling? Maybe that isn't the right word. That word had _implications_ and Yosuke had no intentions of... of what? Deceiving himself? Reading too much into things like a dumbass? Souji is an oddball, everyone knows that. This doesn't have to mean anything.)

They stay like this for a while. Talking about school, the case, the nice breeze outside, how Souji has gotten good at origami lately and Yosuke is impressed; the Jack Frost Souji made the other day had been the spitting image of the real deal. And if Souji had the time, maybe he could show Yosuke how to make an origami Jack Frost too, you know, if he wants to, he's not really a crafts guy anyway since it's kind of for girls? Not that it's weird that _Souji_ likes crafts or anything--

It's one thing to hear Souji chuckle and another thing entirely to feel the rumble against him, reminding Yosuke of how close they are, of this strange intimacy with another guy that Yosuke has allowed, that he doesn't mind, even if maybe he thinks he should.

Time passes with the two of them like this.

Close.

Souji doesn't see anything weird about this. If he knew what Yosuke is thinking, the things he's been grappling with so much he's amazed another Shadow hasn't burst out from his body, would he stay as close as he is now? It isn't like crafts or dolls or any of that crap, it's... something he always thought freaked him out until it took root in his heart.

And in part it _does_ still freak him out. It's unknown, uncharted territory he doesn't know much about, that he never thought applied to him.

Yosuke tenses at these thoughts, the stirring of these uneasy emotions, and grabs a fistful of grass.

"Partner?" he asks.

"Hm?"

Yosuke takes a breath.

"...It's nothing," he mutters, a bit too sharply.

"Alright," says Souji. "But whenever you're ready, I'll listen."

Souji knows there's something particularly heavy on his mind. Makes sense, Yosuke supposes. Partners are supposed to have that kind of connection.

 _Partners, huh?_   whispers Yosuke's brain.

For a little while after, there is silence. The moon is growing visible in the darkening sky, where orange and pink fade into navy blue. Souji yawns with half-lidded eyes and does not move from his spot, even though he'll surely have to head home soon because Dojima-san will probably be expecting him. But he looks content as a dozing cat, so it's hard for Yosuke to say as much.

 _He has pretty eyelashes_ , Yosuke thinks without meaning to. _Gah, where did that come from?! Don't make this weird, Yosuke..._

Then, he wants to laugh. Things got weird a long time ago. That's what he's here to tell Souji about.

Just five more minutes of this will be fine. Maybe in that five minutes Yosuke can grow a pair and just _say_ what's on his mind. Souji has accepted everyone for who they are thus far, and he didn't have a problem with Kanji's Shadow, right? What's he so worried about, then?

 _Because it's different when it's your best friend making goo-goo eyes at you,_ Yosuke thinks bitterly to himself. _He'll never look at me the same way again._

He's not supposed to swing this way. He was pretty damn sure he _didn't_ until Souji came along. A part of him wants to resent Souji for that, blame him for awakening these feelings, but it wouldn't be fair and it wouldn't do any good. Another part of him wants to stuff them back into the darkest recesses of his mind. That, too, cannot work. They're on a quest to find the truth. To face and accept themselves.

If he runs away from this, he'll have learned nothing. Not a goddamn thing.

And Souji could never be proud of _that._

Yosuke can feel his heart pounding in his ears like a thundering drumbeat.

"Partner," says Yosuke, his hands going clammy. "I... need to be honest about something."

At this, Souji pulls away from Yosuke to face him head on, and the sudden lack of Souji's warmth pressed against him leaves more of an impact than it should. His mouth feels dry all of a sudden. He thinks he might be sick.

"It's okay," Souji says, because Souji always knows what to say. "I won't judge."

Is he really a mind-reader or something? Ha. If he were, it'd be nice. Then Yosuke wouldn't have to say this for himself. Souji could procure the truth from Yosuke's head all on his own.

 _You're a coward, Yosuke Hanamura,_ says Yosuke's internal commentary.

...Damn it. No. He doesn't want to be a coward.

He won't run away from himself.

"I like you," he says all at once. There. The words are out there. It's done. He did it.

Souji's expression is calm and impassive. Shit. Is that rejection?

Maybe not. His eyes seem to be searching Yosuke's face. Was he not clear enough? How much clearer does he need to get?

"I _like_ you," Yosuke emphasizes, scowling. "It's not like the whole -- the _normal_ partner stuff, it's the 'I'm into you' kind of like, okay?"

He doesn't know why he sounds so aggressive. He regrets it immediately and runs a hand through his hair.

"Look, nevermind, just forget it--"

"I like you too," Souji says gently, and Yosuke's stomach twists. He bites his lip and shakes his head.

"Dude, no... I get you wanna be nice, because you're nice to everybody no matter what, but I don't wanna hear you say that because you -- I don't know, you pity me." He's rambling now, making assumptions. "I'm weird, I like you, I probably just ruined our friendship, I'm sorry--"

"Yosuke, calm down," Souji says, quiet but firm.

Yosuke is trembling. He's not sure when that started. It doesn't seem to be stopping.

"Take a deep breath," Souji instructs. Yosuke, at a loss for how else to proceed, takes a deep breath, and then another.

"You're not... creeped out?" Yosuke asks in disbelief. "Or mad?"

Souji shakes his head. "I'm serious that I like you too."

"...Why'd you never say so before now?" Yosuke asks. "You're always confident about everything. Remember the cross-dressing pageant?"

"I figured you didn't feel the same," Souji answers. "I didn't know how you'd take it."

In other words, Yosuke thinks, Souji didn't feel like he could be honest with him. He really wishes he could be angry at Souji. He can only feel anger at himself.

"I... partner, just because of that I wouldn't stop being your friend or anything!" Yosuke exclaims.

"I didn't think you'd do anything that drastic," Souji says. "But I was afraid of how it might change things between us."

"H-how would it?" Yosuke demands, newly bitter memories of the way he'd treated Kanji back at the camp-out flooding back.

Souji's voice is surgically excised of emotion when he says, "For one, I thought you might not want to call me 'partner' anymore."

Those words are a lance through Yosuke's chest.

"You'll _always_ be my partner!" Yosuke near shouts, attracting the attention of a stray cat wandering nearby. "No matter what happens, that _won't_ change!"

The blankness on Souji's face melts away just a little, a small smile forming.

"Ditto that," he says, and stares down at his hands. "I'm... sorry I doubted you."

"It's okay. After all... I would have doubted me too," Yosuke says, his own eyes now downcast. He folds his arms and presses them close to his chest protectively. "You were serious about liking me, right?"

"I wouldn't lie," Souji says.

"Why me?" Yosuke asks.

"Why not you?" Souji answers without missing a beat. "I don't know where I'd be without you. You're funny and trustworthy... You're the first person I bonded with here in Inaba, and my trusted second-in-command. You've always had my back, no matter what. And you always will."

"You sound like a girl," Yosuke mumbles, his face heating up yet again.

"I'm not sure what criteria you're using to determine that to be the case," Souji says. "And I really like you. I love you."

"N-now you _really_ sound like a girl," Yosuke stammers. "Jeez, leave it to you to be able to say this mushy stuff so earnestly... How do you do it?"

"I put a lot of practice into learning how to express myself," Souji says.

"You were a lot more reserved when you first came here, weren't you?" Yosuke says. "I think this change is for the better."

"Even if I say mushy things?" Souji asks.

"Even then," Yosuke says and winks, allowing himself a smile too. For a moment, his heart feels lighter than it has this entire conversation. Gravity yanks it back down just as quickly.

"So... I like you and you like me..." Yosuke says, contemplative. "I'm still... new to this, partner. I don't know if I'm ready to say... you know. _That_ word, yet."

"Love?" Souji asks, and Yosuke nods stiffly. It's got to be the heaviest word in any language and here Souji is, able to speak it without reservation. Why, Yosuke wonders, can't he do the same?

"I'm sorry," he says, and he sighs. "I'm... I've got some stuff to work through, y'know? Things to sort out. It's still... Part of me's telling me I'm doing something wrong, feeling like this."

"You need time to come to terms with it," Souji says, nodding. "I understand."

Yosuke can't sense an ounce of disappointment or resentment coming from him. Nevertheless, he can't help the dubiousness he feels.

"I really do," Souji assures him. "And I'm right here if you need me. As a friend or anything else." He claps his hand onto Yosuke's shoulder.

"'Anything else...'" Yosuke murmurs. Then, he huffs a laugh and shakes his head in disbelief. "You're really the best, you know that? The best... _anything_ that a guy could ask for."

"So are you," Souji says, squeezing him.

"You're just saying that."

"I mean what I say," Souji insists, and if that's not true, Yosuke supposes there is no truth in this world.

Yosuke gazes out onto the river.

"Hey, partner..." he starts, scratching the back of his head and stealing a glance at Souji out of the corner of his eye. He's so self-conscious all of a sudden. "You can go back to doing that snuggly thing you were doing before. Uh, if you want."

Souji's answer comes in the form of what is unmistakably a nuzzle against Yosuke's shoulder. His eyes are closed as if he is going to fall asleep right there. If he did, Yosuke could honestly say he wouldn't mind. They can worry about explaining Souji's lateness to Dojima-san later. To have Souji at his side, literally and metaphorically, feels _right,_ like two matching puzzle pieces coming together.

"...You're kind of bony," Souji observes.

"Dude, shut up," Yosuke says.

Together, they laugh, and Yosuke is sure someday he'll be able to say _those_ words.

**Author's Note:**

> So that's that. Haven't written for P4 in years. Lemme know what you think! I might write a continuation... eventually.


End file.
